Bringing down the wall….Part 1

Sorry for my terrible posting habits lately…the semester is finally over, so I will have more time to actually blog. 🙂

After a really strange few days, my friend and I went to a psychic on Sunday afternoon and the strangeness continued.  She had purchased our readings months ago and had me on a payment plan to pay her back (which I never started).  A few weeks ago she told me that the psychic reading would be my Christmas present and we made ourselves schedule the appointment.  We went to one of the most well known psychic parlors in the country and definitely got something different from what we were expecting.

The tea room was in a suite in an office building downtown and was really just one room with many psychics and an office administrator working.  One psychic was on the phone doing an incredibly loud reading.  I mean, I know ALL about “George” now except what he looks like.  The “waiting room” was just a bunch of chairs in the hallway. It was kind of a distracting environment.  My friend went first, but I won’t share any of her business.  When it was my turn, I walked in and sat down at a small table with the psychic.  She gave me a weird look while she introduced herself and asked me if it was my first time.  It was.  She told me to shuffle the deck while she got more water.

I won’t relate everything she said, but I will give you a few high points.  (Some of this may sound ridiculous to some, but I am not trying to mock the reading…I believe a lot of what she said and truly do believe in past lives.)

1)  She told me that I am defensive in this life because I did a lot of damage as a Voodoo witch in many previous lives, although I did it for fun and not for evil.  Even though I have worked that out of my soul, I still have the left over defensiveness and paranoia which came with hurting other people.

2)  I also spent several lives as a psychic and have very good intuition.  I could be almost psychic if I practiced my intuition skills a little in this lifetime.

3)  My love life path is supposed to be that I learn love lessons from several small relationships.  However, I always end relationships abruptly when I realize that the person is not the one, so I have not been learning the lessons I need to learn.  (This is totally true.)  She said this means I will have to work through all the love lessons with the right person before I will be ready for marriage.  She also said that while many people “just know” that they are with “the One,” it will not be like that for me.  It will be after doing work and learning lessons that I will realize.  She encouraged me to give relationships the space they need to teach me the lessons.

4)  My career has some cool things in store.  I won’t share details.

5)  She said she didn’t see the relationship with BVP lasting beyond 3 or 4 months.

Based on all of her advice and information, I decided to *TRY* to stop abruptly ending relationships.  I think she is right…I do have more to learn and I won’t learn it if I continue to drop guys as soon as they irritate me a little bit.  Now I’m not saying I was wrong to get rid of Mr. Not-So Perfect…I think I did learn a lesson about standing up for myself and holding my ground.  I AM going to see where things go with BVP and I am going to take the risks that feel so dangerous.  Like a line in a show I watched earlier today “this wall of yours…it may keep out pain, but it will also keep out love.”  I am working on bringing down my walls.



Last night, my friend and I got into a heated discussion about whether you can help who you fall in love with.  He says that it is a matter of choice, and I disagree.  Or I did….now I’m not so sure.

I had a great argument and even used examples from his life as proof of what I was trying to say, but he kept insisting that I was wrong.  And then I brought up my life and he had to agree with me a little, but he said that maybe I just made bad choices.

Now I don’t know….is it possible to choose who you fall in love with?  If so, how can you stop yourself from falling in love with the wrong people?

I pretty much live in fear of getting my heart broken.  I never want to experience that again and I would *almost* rather be single forever than to risk that pain.  I wish that I knew I would be fulfilled and happy as a single person forever.  It would be much, much easier.  Relationships are so complicated and…well…..scary.  These are crazy words coming from a former relationship junkie!

This has been a babbling post….sorry.  I’m just unsure how to trust myself and my choices and trying to figure out how to let down my walls low enough for someone to hop over.