Dating Olympics 2012

I have been really, really neglectful and terrible.  I promised you posts, and I didn’t deliver.  I’m sorry.

The Olympics in London may be over, but the Boston Dating Olympics continues.

I.S. and I went on two dates.  After date number one, he was a gold medal contestant.  He made me laugh, owns a home, has a good career….all the things I am looking for.  Even our second date was fun- we went to his friend’s house and hung around ordering take-out.  His friends were super nice and fun to be around and the situation, which could have turned awkward, was very comfortable.  The kicker was the end of the date- he is a REALLY strange kisser.  I mean- it was weird.  Now, I might be able to work with that, but I’m just not willing to train someone who is 36 (if that’s even possible).  Without going into much detail- there were other things that did not impress me as well.  It really is too bad, because I.S. was a great candidate and we had a good connection.  So now he is out of medal contention.
R.G. and I have had three dates, all of them were excellent.  He is divorced- and has a kid.  Normally, I would not go out with someone who has children because children are fine, but the mothers become part of your life too.  However, he asked me to give him a chance anyway and I am glad I did.  Our first date was at a restaurant serving the food of his home country and drinks at a bar after.  I think it was the first time I have been on a first date that wasn’t just drinks.  He, too, has everything I am looking for- he makes me laugh, owns a home, has a great career, and makes me feel comfortable.  Our second date was kayaking, dinner, and drinks.  This guy really plans good dates!  He seems like he is a great father and the partnership between him and his ex-wife seems to be really healthy.  (Hooray!)  For our third date, he cooked me dinner at his house and we watched a movie.  It was really nice and very comfortable.  He is always a gentleman and makes lots of thoughtful gestures- like rubbing my feet absentmindedly during the movie.  He is still a contender for a medal- though I haven’t really seen or heard from him much lately.
I.M. and I have been on two dates, and both were surprisingly fun.  He is incredibly successful.  At 31, he is the youngest of the current contenders, but the most advanced in his career.  He was a doctor until he got an MBA and became the CEO of a medical company.  He doesn’t own a home, but was financially stable enough to be renting apartments in New York City and Boston at the same time.  (For the record, I hate that I comment on this, but I feel I have to since it is one of my criteria now- and I deserve someone who has their shit together.)  He is a bit on the “dorky” side, and some of his comments have me rolling my eyes (in my head- not in real life), but I always have a great time with him.  He is sweet, forthcoming with the way he feels, and earnest in a good way.  He makes sure I know in between dates that he is interested in me and can’t wait to see me again.  I had thought after the first date that I wouldn’t see him again, but decided to give him another chance.  I.M. came from behind and snuck back into medal contention!

The Poet and I had coffee, too.  I know, I know!  I should have said no after everything that happened, but he sounded so sad that I couldn’t turn him down.  It was a little awkward at first, but we just caught up and it ended up being fine.  However, he kept sending me messages after that telling me how much he missed me and how great it was to see me.  In a moment of weakness (I really was missing him and thinking about him a lot) when he texted me, I responded that I was thinking a lot about him too.  I think that was the wrong thing to say.  I didn’t mean anything by it- but he responded right away with a smiley face and said “We should definitely get together when you are back from your work trip.”  I’m still on the work trip, so I haven’t had to face this yet, but I’m not sure what I will say.  Oh dear.

 

 

3 weeks

I saw The Poet again last night after more than a week of not seeing him.  He had been having a really tough week and I had a friend in town, so we just kept missing each other.  I was a little concerned that it wouldn’t be the same or that we would have lost momentum, but everything was great….better even.

At first we were a little quiet.  He is still having a tough time and has been a little down and although I feel like I know a lot about him, I don’t know him well enough to know the best way to cheer him up or take his mind off of things.  Is he the kind of person who likes to be distracted?  Or does he prefer to have the space to think about things?  Anyway- at first while I tried to figure out the best way to interact with him in that situation, conversation was a little stilted.  He was participating and holding up his end of conversations, but it wasn’t flowing as easily as normal.  But part of the way through our dinner, we got settled into the swing of conversation.

I’m happy to report that I still really like him and he still really likes me three weeks later.  It has even come to the point where I can feel the “I love you” hovering in the air.  Like it might slip out at any point if I’m not careful.  It’s crazy to feel that way so early, but it seems like it is hovering for both of us.  He asked me to meet his friend and his friend’s fiance on Friday night…and talked about lots of future plans.

We had a great talk about the nature of the stuff he is dealing with right now and how it will be a reality for a while, but he seems like he is dealing with it in a healthy and realistic way.

3 days, 2 dates, 1 happy FRJ

My second date with The Poet sounds exactly like our first date- we got drinks, talked and laughed for hours, went back to his house and talked and laughed some more, then slept- except this time it was on a weekend night, so we slept in and had a more relaxed morning.  We connected so instantly and intensely.  Although it seems cliche and it pains me to admit it, we already finish each other’s thoughts…and I really like it.  All the things that are difficult for me in a relationship don’t seem difficult with him.  I don’t feel afraid to be open and let him into my heart.  I am comfortable admitting how I feel and telling him what I want.  I know that he is physically attracted to me, but I am not worried in the slightest that it is his only motive, or even his main motive.  Somewhere in our 12 hour date on Friday/Saturday, we talked about the terrifying, but incredible, fact of how much we like each other.  Anyone who knows me would know that these are normally major hurdles for me. I would listen quietly while someone told me they liked me, then either make a joke or sit in uncomfortable silence.  I rarely tell people how I feel, even when I want to.  I do, of course, give myself some credit for this- it isn’t all about The Poet- but he gets a large share of credit too.

Since today is Easter, we hadn’t planned on seeing each other.  I had a lot of homework to work on and he had a large family gathering to attend.  But this morning he called to see if I could get away for a “quick” coffee.  We ended up spending three hours drinking coffee and driving around Massachusetts.  We found the most beautiful historic church (a historic site no longer in use) in the middle of nowhere and walked around.  We talked about the future in a very natural way- there was no discussion of details, just a sense of “in our future,” if that makes any sense.  He is old fashioned in a way that I like.  He always opens the car door-actually every door- for me, even when it seems inconvenient.  He put his jacket on me after I told him I didn’t need it, but he could see that I was cold.  At the same time, he is respectful, interested, and thoughtful.

The Poet is also a musician and he is releasing his next album in September.  He let me listen to one song on Friday and another today while we were driving.  Usually I get nervous when I am listening to someone’s music with them around and I don’t know how to act.  This time, he was so clearly nervous for me to hear it, I couldn’t be nervous.  I was, however, incredibly relieved to realize that I actually really like his music.  I can honestly say that it is something I would choose to listen to on my own, even if I didn’t already like him and have a motive.  🙂  Great news!!  I am planning to buy his book and read it.  It got great reviews when it came out, but I don’t know how well I would do reading them in front of him for the first time.  So I am going to prep myself a little.

In related news- I had still been seeing TBDP and had been planning to go to an Easter party at his house today.  Things had been pretty steadily in the friend-zone with TBDP until Thursday night, when he really kissed me for the first time.  Poor TBDP.  He is really sweet, and I actually do like him, but he just got totally blown out of the water.  I decided  it was unfair to go to the party and meet his friends under false pretenses, so I told him that I had too much work to do, which is actually true.  I plan on telling him pretty soon that I met someone that I have a really strong connection with, but would like to be friends.  I don’t know how that will go, but I definitely have to tell him.  The Poet and I have not discussed the issue of seeing other people, but I know he isn’t seeing anyone else, and regardless, I don’t want to see anyone but him.  I’m not saying I am putting all my eggs in one basket (Easter reference!!) after just three dates…I just think there is something special here and it deserves my full attention.

I have a feeling about this…. 🙂

Dinner date

Last night was my dinner with Mr. Not-So Perfect.  I met him on the street near his house and we walked a couple blocks to the restaurant.  He had never been and had only judged from the outside.  It turned out to be a college-type atmosphere with trivia going on in the background.  But we made do.  Dinner was a little awkward.  Some of the conversation felt forced…like we were avoiding the main subject….which we were.    After dinner, he asked me to come up and see his new apartment.  Despite knowing this would mean I would have to be firm about nothing physical, I agreed.

He showed me around and offered me a glass of wine.  We awkwardly sat and watched football, me on a different couch and only looking straight ahead.  I could tell he was looking at me, but I refused to make eye contact.  I finished my glass of wine and stood up to leave.  He kissed me and told me he really missed me and that he wouldn’t lie, he “wanted” me.  He said “I know you will probably not want to talk to me after I admitted that after the conversation we had, but I can’t lie.  I’m attracted to you and I don’t know what I am supposed to do about it.”  I told him that it was fine, but that I was still leaving.  Then he asked to see me tonight.  And I told him no, I had plans.  His face dropped and he asked me if it was a date.

He walked me out, down the elevator and through the halls to the front door.  The whole way, he kept telling me how much he really likes me and wants to have another chance.  He practically begged me to hang out with him on Wednesday night.  I told him I would think about it. After I left, I got several texts from him saying how happy he was to see me and how he will “do whatever it takes to get back into my good graces.”  When I made a noncommittal response, he said he wants me to be his girl.

I still have really mixed feelings about this whole thing.  He is really trying, and I really do appreciate that.  I also like that the ball is totally in my court.  I just think I have to continue to be firm with him.  If he really wants to be with me, then I need the physical part of the relationship to be on my terms- at least for now.  I think that is the only way I would ever be able to be with him.  On the other hand, I am not sure I want to bother.

I have a second date with The Gentleman tonight and I am looking forward to it.  All I know is that having all the balls (no pun intended) in my court is good for me and my plans for forward movement in 2012.

A New Year, A New Outlook

Happy New Year to all my readers!  I hope everyone wrapped up 2011 in a festive bow and kicked off 2012 with a fresh attitude and a new outlook.

It has been a crazy week….some endings and some new beginnings and then some off the wall stuff.  Let me recap it for you…

Wednesday 2:15pm-  As I was getting ready for my date with The Gentleman, Mr. Not-So Perfect showed up at my house.  He just stopped by after months of not seeing him.  I was in the shower, so my roommate (frantically) asked me what I wanted him to do, and then let him in to wait on the couch.  I finished my shower and freaked out about what I was going to say when I finally came down.  It turns out he wanted an explanation for why I ended our relationship so abruptly and wanted to express how much he likes me and wants to try again.  I did my best to explain and ended up agreeing to have dinner with him.  I know I didn’t give him a fair chance because I never expressed myself until the end, but I’m still not sure I want to go back down this road.

Wednesday 5:30pm- I met up with The Gentleman near his hometown at a restaurant.  We had a couple drinks and appetizers and GREAT conversation.  He is really easy to talk to and is very nice.  A few issues: he recently lost his job and he is 13 years older than me.  He has plans for getting back into the work world, so that isn’t too big an issue.  The real issue is the age difference.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  However, we had a great date and I was surprised at the end that we had been there for three hours…it seemed like only an hour and a half had gone by.  We parted with a kiss and plans for a second date.

Wednesday 10:30pm- KRoomie’s brother and friend were visiting from Connecticut for the night, so I met up with KRoomie, her brother, 4 of their friends, and BRoomie out in the city.  As soon as KRoomie announced to her friends and brother that I like “chocolate” there was an obvious battle for my attention.  By the end of the night, everyone had let the tall one (6’8!!!)  be the “winner.”  Now he wants my number….

Friday 6:30pm- BVP called to ask me to hang out before we saw each other at my NYE party.  He picked me up and we went to get some dinner.  We had a nice conversation and then went back to his house to talk some more.  I told him about the rapes and we had a conversation about what is going on with us.  We both agreed that we aren’t sure if we should get into anything serious because of the potential for it going bad.  Since he is such good friends with my roommates, we have to consider this possibility.  We ended up just cuddling and dropping the subject for the night.

Saturday 10:00pm- BVP arrived at my party and gave me a kiss hello and told me that I looked beautiful. He reminded me that he wanted to kiss me at midnight.  About 30 people arrived for our party, including someone my friend wanted to set me up with.  I talked with him throughout the night.  Let’s call him the Marine.

Sunday 12:00am- I kissed my friends, who I was standing next to.

Sunday 12:01am- I walked over to where BVP was standing and kissed him.  He did not return the kiss and just looked at me.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he was upset that I didn’t kiss him at midnight.  Ummm….  We got into a mini argument and I walked away irritated.

Sunday 12:30am-  I walked through the living room and saw BVP sitting with about 4 girls from the party in a deep conversation.  They all stopped talking when I walked into the room.  Clearly, they were discussing me.

Sunday 1:00am- BVP asked to speak with me in private.  The party was still raging, but we went up to my room to talk.  Over the next half hour, we basically decided to end our relationship now, before anyone gets too hurt.  There was a lot more to the conversation, but that was the gist of it.  However, I was supposed to be staying at his house so my friends could have my room and the couches.  I asked him if he wanted me to figure something else out, and he said no, he would still like me to come over.

Sunday 4:00am- BVP wanted to leave, so I set up all my friends with places to sleep and blankets and we walked to his house across the street.  He expressed that he was kind of sad because he doesn’t want to lose me.  I am a little sad too, but I think it is for the best.

Sunday 10am- The Marine asked me to go out on a date with him.  I said yes.

Sunday 11am- The Gentleman called and asked me to go to dinner with him on Tuesday.  I said yes.

Monday 9:00am- I found out the Marine has two daughters.  One who is 16.  This is seriously against my personal rule of not dating men who already have children.

Monday 11:00am- Mr. Not-so Perfect texted to ask me when we could have dinner.  I said I am pretty open.

So….as you can see, there have been some endings, and some new beginnings.  I am a little sad at the loss of BVP.  If things were different and he wasn’t my roommates’ friend, we might have given it a try.  Who knows.  We also agreed that we aren’t necessarily ruling it out for the future.  But I told him that I am only interested in relationships that have forward movement.

Here’s to forward movement in 2012!

 

 

 

 

Holiday Single Scene

It must be the time of year.  I think single people feel the most alone during the winter holidays.  It is cold and dark (although the weather has been crazy warm lately…) and it’s a season that is supposed to be spent with loved ones.  Even with family, singleness is felt strongly.  I can’t speak to those who have separate families, but in my family, the only single people are those who are widowed or single by choice.  I can assure you that I felt very single during Christmas with my family.

Still, I was surprised by the number of messages I have been receiving on the online dating site.  Record numbers.  Like 6-10 per day.  It’s crazy.  Maybe because I have been feeling it too, I have been responding to some.  I have a date with one tonight.  He and I were talking in August, but I called off our date after I met Mr. Not-So Perfect.  He has been very persistent, contacting me at least once a month and asking to get together.  I finally said yes this week.  He is 40, which is closer in age to my parents than to me, but we seemed to connect well when we were talking the first time, so we will see.

Another of the online guys wants to have coffee this week.  Yet another seems to be on the verge of asking.  I am not sure how many of these dates I can take, but I am going to try.

I still am “seeing” BVP, but there is no official title on our relationship and we don’t really talk unless we are together.  I decided that as long as we are unofficial, I am not going to put the rest of the dating world on hold.  The only issue is that he is friends with my roommates, so I have to be a little quiet about the whole thing.  While I would normally tell my roommates all about my dates, I feel like I can’t until I make up my mind about BVP and the rest of them.  When I think about it too much, I feel pretty guilty, but I don’t want to keep putting myself in the same situation/trap over and over again.

Maybe this is all just a holiday season phase and I will return to business as usual as soon as it is over….but Valentine’s Day IS right around the corner…

 

Dear Chemistry

Dear Chemistry,

It’s nice to see you again.  However, I do have a bone to pick with you…  Yet again you have connected me with a member of the military.  Why do you always betray me like this?  After the last time I made a simple request…no more military.  And yet, you have not listened.  Thomas was in the Air Force, William (aka Rat Bastard) was in the Army, Mr. (Not All That) Perfect was an Army veteran, and now BVP is in the Army.  That is ONLY counting those that I have had lasting connections with and not including those that there was chemistry with but didn’t last long.  WTF??

My main argument with the military is the potential for PTSD.  As a survivor of PTSD, it is very difficult for me to date anyone struggling with it themselves.  Now, I know that not ALL military personnel end up traumatized, but the percentage is higher than that of the rest of the male population.  So far, BVP exhibits no signs of any trauma.  He has deployed before, but does some sort of computer job.  He is also friends with my roommates, and I haven’t heard anything mentioned about trauma.  But it scares me to think that I could end up with another Rat Bastard type guy.  I’m sure he isn’t anything like Rat Bastard- he doesn’t seem to have multiple mental illnesses- but what if it’s buried.  On the other hand, I really like him (thanks to you, Chemistry) and have a great connection.  And I think about him all the time.  Arg. At least you made him have the same feelings as me…

I just wanted you to know that while I appreciate your appearance in my life, I am a little wary of your decision making.  Please think this one through carefully and remove the connection early if there is trouble ahead.  Otherwise, I don’t know how I can trust you in the future.

Thank you for your continued attention to my life.

Sincerely,

Former Relationship Junkie

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