Parade of Nations

With this new round of dating, I am becoming more picky.  My minimum requirements have increased and I am less willing to budge on them.  I was feeling bad about it for a few days, but then I decided there is nothing wrong with it.  So, minimum requirements:

  • A good job that most likely comes with a certain income level.  Think: doctors, lawyers, executives, businessmen, engineers, etc.
  • A positive attitude.
  • Educated.
  • Financially stable.  With enough of a cushion that car trouble or some unexpected expense doesn’t put them over the edge.
  • Mentally stable.  I MEAN IT.

This was a busy dating week…three first dates in one week.  Whew.  Interestingly, each of the three first dates I had this week are from different countries.  Also, they are all successful, smart, and kind.  What a week!

I feel like the United Nations.  Or, more appropriately, the Parade of Nations.  (Olympics reference, y’all!)  I mean this in the best way possible!  Before I met The Poet, a close friend told me she thinks I need to be with someone born outside the United States.  The fact that all these guys moved as children or adults to the States was purely a pleasant coincidence.

I’m running out of nicknames for these people, but I don’t want to call them by their nationality lest they be identifiable.  So I won’t be explaining their initials in any posts going forward.

For now, I will just say that all three met, even exceeded, minimum requirements and ALL are second date material.

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And then he asked me

Yesterday was The Poet’s birthday.   I met his friends.  And then he asked me to be his girlfriend.  🙂

That’s all.

No, No, Needy Nelson, Not Now!

Needy Nelson….where to begin?

So I got a message from a guy who seemed super nice, although looks-wise he wasn’t my type.  However, I have been trying to go outside my normal “type” so I decided to give it a try.  It turned out that he is from the town my dad grew up in and where my grandmother still lives.  We had a lot in common and decided to go out.  Even though he lives almost an hour away, he picked me up from my house for our first date.  He INSISTED, saying that he didn’t want to worry about me driving home after a few drinks at the end of the night.

All day leading up to our date, he texted me with random questions, which he claimed he had a point.  And, when I went out to meet him, he was holding a stuffed elephant that he had gotten for me.  (Elephants are my favorite.)  I was surprised, but it was a nice gesture- if a little high school.  He took me to Dave & Buster’s- like a grown up Chuck E. Cheese with alcohol- and we had a great date.

Date #2 was the next night- dinner and drinks.  On this date he started pestering me about Valentine’s Day.  He kept asking if I would go out with him for V Day (which was two nights later).  I told him I had to work late and that I couldn’t and that I wasn’t really big on V Day anyway.  He sort of let it go, but kept asking why I don’t like V Day.  (For the record- I do, but felt weird about spending it with someone I had just met and was kind of ambivalent about….  We ended the date with no resolution about V Day, but a plan to hang out at some point during the coming week.  However, later that night, when he was texting me incessantly, I somehow got roped into a V Day date.

So we had Date #3 on V Day.  I insisted on meeting him out and refused to negotiate about it.  I also insisted that we meet halfway instead of closer to my house.  I thought I was just being considerate, but looking back- I think I just wanted to downplay the whole thing as much as possible.  He met me at my car with flowers, which I tossed unceremoniously into the passenger seat.  When we walked into the hibachi restaurant- I instantly noticed two separate men look up at us and read their lips as they pointed out the disparity in looks between me and Needy Nelson to their respective dates.  It was a little horrifying.  On this date he informed me that he was planning a trip north for his birthday (a week away) and wanted me to come with him for the weekend.  I had no idea what to say, but ended up saying I would think about it.

On our fourth date, dinner and a movie, we again met halfway.  At the movie he started in with complaining about my body language (which he started on our first date- but it got incredibly annoying this time).  He didn’t like the way my legs were crossed, so he actually grabbed my legs and switched them.  Then he didn’t like the way I was leaning on my armrest, so he moved my upper body too.  I don’t mean he asked me to move or gently pulled me close to him- NO.  He just moved me.  With his hands.  And then acted all content.  WTF.  Needless to say, I was getting irritated.  He went with more of the same at dinner.  By the time we were ordering our first drink, I knew there was no way I wanted to go away with him and be in a hotel with him for a whole weekend.  So I came up with an excuse and said I couldn’t justify being away for the whole weekend and I also told him I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable staying in a hotel with someone I had just met.  He was disappointed, but said he understood and that he would just stay in town because “ultimately all he cared about was getting to see me on his birthday.”  Yikes.  Anyone who knows me will know that that is EXACTLY the kind of thing a guy should say if he wants me to run screaming in the other direction.  Say that kind of thing after a couple months, fine.  After four dates?  See ya later.

So if you haven’t already picked up on it- Needy Nelson and I are done.  The whole thing ended up dissolving over the weekend away thing, but it would have dissolved anyway because I get easily irritated by needy behavior….and he is true to his name.  I woke up every morning to a text asking how my day was going and got at least 30 throughout the day.  Not only did I get a zillion texts, but he would get irritated if I didn’t respond right away.  I can’t stand that kind of behavior in a boyfriend, let alone someone I just met.

After date #4, he sent me a message asking if I could go away for just one night-Friday- to somewhere closer and I said I would think about it.  I responded to his daily morning text on Thursday that I wasn’t feeling well, which was true, and he angrily wrote back that he guessed that meant I wouldn’t go away with him on Friday.  We didn’t speak for the rest of the day, and he didn’t respond to my (admittedly very short) happy birthday message on Friday.  I thought that was going to be the end of it.  Then yesterday, I got a message from him that said “So although you ditched me on my birthday, am I going to see you again?”  I haven’t responded.  Hopefully that’s answer enough for him.  But if I hear from him again, I am planning to tell him that I can’t be what he is looking for.

Ultimately, he is a very nice guy, though too needy for my taste.  The real issue for me is that I didn’t like the woman I was with him.  His neediness fed a part of me that turns me into a bitch.  And I am NOT like that.  Ever.  But something about him made me kind of mean.  I didn’t like it and I knew that if it was like that early on, it would only get worse with time.

In discussing him with my friends, we came up with the best alliteration ever and plan to write a children’s book someday called “No. No, Needy Nelson, Not Now!”  in which a character, Needy Nelson, is very needy and people always respond with the title line.  I know, I know….not nice.

A New Year, A New Outlook

Happy New Year to all my readers!  I hope everyone wrapped up 2011 in a festive bow and kicked off 2012 with a fresh attitude and a new outlook.

It has been a crazy week….some endings and some new beginnings and then some off the wall stuff.  Let me recap it for you…

Wednesday 2:15pm-  As I was getting ready for my date with The Gentleman, Mr. Not-So Perfect showed up at my house.  He just stopped by after months of not seeing him.  I was in the shower, so my roommate (frantically) asked me what I wanted him to do, and then let him in to wait on the couch.  I finished my shower and freaked out about what I was going to say when I finally came down.  It turns out he wanted an explanation for why I ended our relationship so abruptly and wanted to express how much he likes me and wants to try again.  I did my best to explain and ended up agreeing to have dinner with him.  I know I didn’t give him a fair chance because I never expressed myself until the end, but I’m still not sure I want to go back down this road.

Wednesday 5:30pm- I met up with The Gentleman near his hometown at a restaurant.  We had a couple drinks and appetizers and GREAT conversation.  He is really easy to talk to and is very nice.  A few issues: he recently lost his job and he is 13 years older than me.  He has plans for getting back into the work world, so that isn’t too big an issue.  The real issue is the age difference.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  However, we had a great date and I was surprised at the end that we had been there for three hours…it seemed like only an hour and a half had gone by.  We parted with a kiss and plans for a second date.

Wednesday 10:30pm- KRoomie’s brother and friend were visiting from Connecticut for the night, so I met up with KRoomie, her brother, 4 of their friends, and BRoomie out in the city.  As soon as KRoomie announced to her friends and brother that I like “chocolate” there was an obvious battle for my attention.  By the end of the night, everyone had let the tall one (6’8!!!)  be the “winner.”  Now he wants my number….

Friday 6:30pm- BVP called to ask me to hang out before we saw each other at my NYE party.  He picked me up and we went to get some dinner.  We had a nice conversation and then went back to his house to talk some more.  I told him about the rapes and we had a conversation about what is going on with us.  We both agreed that we aren’t sure if we should get into anything serious because of the potential for it going bad.  Since he is such good friends with my roommates, we have to consider this possibility.  We ended up just cuddling and dropping the subject for the night.

Saturday 10:00pm- BVP arrived at my party and gave me a kiss hello and told me that I looked beautiful. He reminded me that he wanted to kiss me at midnight.  About 30 people arrived for our party, including someone my friend wanted to set me up with.  I talked with him throughout the night.  Let’s call him the Marine.

Sunday 12:00am- I kissed my friends, who I was standing next to.

Sunday 12:01am- I walked over to where BVP was standing and kissed him.  He did not return the kiss and just looked at me.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he was upset that I didn’t kiss him at midnight.  Ummm….  We got into a mini argument and I walked away irritated.

Sunday 12:30am-  I walked through the living room and saw BVP sitting with about 4 girls from the party in a deep conversation.  They all stopped talking when I walked into the room.  Clearly, they were discussing me.

Sunday 1:00am- BVP asked to speak with me in private.  The party was still raging, but we went up to my room to talk.  Over the next half hour, we basically decided to end our relationship now, before anyone gets too hurt.  There was a lot more to the conversation, but that was the gist of it.  However, I was supposed to be staying at his house so my friends could have my room and the couches.  I asked him if he wanted me to figure something else out, and he said no, he would still like me to come over.

Sunday 4:00am- BVP wanted to leave, so I set up all my friends with places to sleep and blankets and we walked to his house across the street.  He expressed that he was kind of sad because he doesn’t want to lose me.  I am a little sad too, but I think it is for the best.

Sunday 10am- The Marine asked me to go out on a date with him.  I said yes.

Sunday 11am- The Gentleman called and asked me to go to dinner with him on Tuesday.  I said yes.

Monday 9:00am- I found out the Marine has two daughters.  One who is 16.  This is seriously against my personal rule of not dating men who already have children.

Monday 11:00am- Mr. Not-so Perfect texted to ask me when we could have dinner.  I said I am pretty open.

So….as you can see, there have been some endings, and some new beginnings.  I am a little sad at the loss of BVP.  If things were different and he wasn’t my roommates’ friend, we might have given it a try.  Who knows.  We also agreed that we aren’t necessarily ruling it out for the future.  But I told him that I am only interested in relationships that have forward movement.

Here’s to forward movement in 2012!

 

 

 

 

Bringing Down the Wall- Part 2

In honor of the psychic’s advice about learning love lessons, and the approaching New Year, I am trying to think about the POSITIVE lessons I have learned from my current and past relationships.  I could probably name a million negative lessons, but I want to focus on the things that will propel me forward.  So, while some of them may seem negative, I am only including them in my list if I feel like they have helped me grow and move on in my life.  This is incomplete and will probably take me a while to work through completely, but I wanted to throw a few out there to the universe.

(This is not in relationship order…maybe I will make it orderly later…)

Rat Bastard- You started to give me my voice.  I had NEVER yelled at anyone or stood up to anyone in an argument before you.  While I didn’t do it very often, you were the one who taught me to fight for what I believe in and to fight for love.  As much as I dislike you now, I will be grateful forever to you for giving me the power to yell.

Mr. Not-So Perfect- You taught me that I deserve to be with a man who can handle their own finances and treat me once in awhile (or more).  I think you were also trying to teach me to ask for the things I want in a relationship.  I’m sorry I cut that lesson short.  I will try to learn it with someone else.

BVP- You are teaching me about accepting expressions of love and how to be honest about my feelings even when it feels risky.  I don’t know how long this will go on between us, but I am eternally grateful to you for accepting my bumbling attempts at honesty.

 

I am going to continue thinking about lessons I have learned, though I am quickly realizing that the psychic was right…I have abruptly ended relationships and in many cases I can’t think of anything positive or forward moving that I learned from even the longest of those relationships….including 3 year or longer ones.  Maybe that is a lesson in itself.

Bringing down the wall….Part 1

Sorry for my terrible posting habits lately…the semester is finally over, so I will have more time to actually blog. 🙂

After a really strange few days, my friend and I went to a psychic on Sunday afternoon and the strangeness continued.  She had purchased our readings months ago and had me on a payment plan to pay her back (which I never started).  A few weeks ago she told me that the psychic reading would be my Christmas present and we made ourselves schedule the appointment.  We went to one of the most well known psychic parlors in the country and definitely got something different from what we were expecting.

The tea room was in a suite in an office building downtown and was really just one room with many psychics and an office administrator working.  One psychic was on the phone doing an incredibly loud reading.  I mean, I know ALL about “George” now except what he looks like.  The “waiting room” was just a bunch of chairs in the hallway. It was kind of a distracting environment.  My friend went first, but I won’t share any of her business.  When it was my turn, I walked in and sat down at a small table with the psychic.  She gave me a weird look while she introduced herself and asked me if it was my first time.  It was.  She told me to shuffle the deck while she got more water.

I won’t relate everything she said, but I will give you a few high points.  (Some of this may sound ridiculous to some, but I am not trying to mock the reading…I believe a lot of what she said and truly do believe in past lives.)

1)  She told me that I am defensive in this life because I did a lot of damage as a Voodoo witch in many previous lives, although I did it for fun and not for evil.  Even though I have worked that out of my soul, I still have the left over defensiveness and paranoia which came with hurting other people.

2)  I also spent several lives as a psychic and have very good intuition.  I could be almost psychic if I practiced my intuition skills a little in this lifetime.

3)  My love life path is supposed to be that I learn love lessons from several small relationships.  However, I always end relationships abruptly when I realize that the person is not the one, so I have not been learning the lessons I need to learn.  (This is totally true.)  She said this means I will have to work through all the love lessons with the right person before I will be ready for marriage.  She also said that while many people “just know” that they are with “the One,” it will not be like that for me.  It will be after doing work and learning lessons that I will realize.  She encouraged me to give relationships the space they need to teach me the lessons.

4)  My career has some cool things in store.  I won’t share details.

5)  She said she didn’t see the relationship with BVP lasting beyond 3 or 4 months.

Based on all of her advice and information, I decided to *TRY* to stop abruptly ending relationships.  I think she is right…I do have more to learn and I won’t learn it if I continue to drop guys as soon as they irritate me a little bit.  Now I’m not saying I was wrong to get rid of Mr. Not-So Perfect…I think I did learn a lesson about standing up for myself and holding my ground.  I AM going to see where things go with BVP and I am going to take the risks that feel so dangerous.  Like a line in a show I watched earlier today “this wall of yours…it may keep out pain, but it will also keep out love.”  I am working on bringing down my walls.

The weird thing that happens….

WARNING: This post may contain material not suitable for all audiences.  Like my parents.  Mom, this means you.  (Nothing crazy, just could cause discomfort….)

There’s something weird that happens with old flames.  You KNOW they aren’t really as attractive/funny/smart/worth it as they used to seem, but somehow, the old you takes over and your judgement becomes clouded.

Case in point:

Last night (I’m home on vacation, remember?) I went out with my girls.  We generally go to the same lame place, but always have a great time anyway.  Great company can make the worst places awesome.  Anyway….I was fully expecting to be hit on by way too many 24 year-olds.  I was even expecting to have at least a few high school reunion moments.  I was NOT expecting to run into a certain old flame.  And by old flame, I mean ancient history.  When I was a sophomore in high school and 15, “Jeremy” seemed like the hottest, funniest, coolest guy EVER.  He was a senior and had a car….both things that seriously upped his cool-factor.  We were a couple for a few months before I ended it to be with another, more awesome senior (well, I thought so anyway).  Our relationship had its sweet moments, but was mainly a physical one.  And even after we broke up, we always had a weird chemistry.

Last night, I could feel that chemistry tugging at me again.  He was obviously interested and was attentive to my friends and me, buying us drinks even though he doesn’t drink.  At some point in the night, I mentioned to one of my girls that he was a high school boyfriend and she said “Eww.  Him?  He’s not attractive!  He looks like he spends too much time on the mountain!”  I looked at him through her eyes and saw that she was right.  Where I used to find him attractive, he DID have sort of a mountain man look going on.  For a few minutes this worked.  It put a stop to those weird feelings of chemistry.

Then, at the end of the night, he asked me to go home with him.  We didn’t “have to do anything,” but he could “use some company.”  I actually considered it.  Despite the realization I had had earlier in the evening (with a little help from my friend), I actually thought about it.  I considered it all the way home (in my own car) and hadn’t ruled out changing my mind.  Finally, sense got a hold of me and I went home and got in bed, texting him “maybe another time.”

The craziest thing is, I actually haven’t ruled out “another time.”  I spent all day considering what it is about old flames that make people lose their sense.  I have a few thoughts:

  • They remind us of a time when we were younger/skinnier/cuter and more carefree.
  • Anyone you have previously had sex with somehow gets tied up in your current perceptions of sex and what is sexy.
  • There is something satisfying about knowing that someone who wanted you when you were younger/skinnier/cuter and more carefree still REALLY wants you.

It could be one of those things, a combination of those things, or none of those things.  All I know is that for some reason, there is something tying me to this person, even though my brain is screaming “NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!”

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