The first rule of fight club…

The first rule of fight club is….never talk about fight club.  The first rule of writing a blog about your dating life is…..don’t tell your dates about your blog about your dating life.

Whoops.  I knew that line would come in handy some day….too bad I remembered a little too late.

More later….

Remember when I felt kind of bad for trashing that guy's profile? Never Mind. (via violetfemme65)

Ok…..normally I wouldn’t just post someone else’s stuff….but this woman is TOO funny to miss…

Remember when I felt kind of bad for trashing that guy's profile?  Never Mind. So. Remember when I trashed that "I've found myself and I'm impressed + I'm gonna compare you to my 33 y.o. ex-girlfriend, just so you know…" guy and then I was all "Oh man, maybe I shouldn't be anonymously trashing people's online dating profiles, that's not nice." and then I was all "Don't be ridiculous, I'm on a mission from God" ? Well.  That guy (who, as you recall, winked at me last week)(and we all know how I feel about *winking*…) wro … Read More

via violetfemme65

When the bill comes…

In the past I wanted to be a “modern woman” when it came to paying for dates.  I ALWAYS offered to contribute on the first date, and generally insisted on paying for the whole date by the third.  But here’s what that got me: a long line of boyfriends (literally ALL of them) who couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for things.  I mean, guys who would say “Let’s go out to dinner” and then at the end of our meal say “You get this one.  I’ll get the next one.”  These meals usually included at least three courses and lots of wine.  And we weren’t at Applebees.

No more.

I will still offer to contribute early on, but if they refuse, I am not pressing the issue.  Good.  They should pay.  They should WANT to pay, as one of my friends likes to tell me.  And it’s not about the money. (WARNING: I’m going to say something that may sound anti-women’s lib.)  It’s about showing me that you are a man.  Take care of it.  You don’t have to tell me all about your finances, but don’t ask me to do something you can’t afford to pay for.  I would much rather go to a park for a picnic than go to a nice restaurant that is going to make you financially uncomfortable for the rest of the week. I would NEVER ask someone to do something that I wasn’t SURE I could afford to pay for, so I don’t understand why men do this.  As it is, even though I probably won’t offer to pay, I never go out unless I know I could pay for myself if I had to.

I’m not saying I will date someone for three years and never get out my wallet.  Eventually, I will.  There will definitely be a time when I will say “Let’s go do ____, my treat.”  I’m just saying I want to push it back further.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

Train Hero

The train today was particularly crazy.  As soon as I walked onto the car, I smelled cat pee and BO.  Lovely.  There were no empty rows, but I had my pick of rows with available space.  I chose a nice-enough looking youngish (maybe 30?) man to sit next to.  Mainly because he looked like the cleanest option and the least likely to be the one that smelled like cat pee or BO as he was nicely dressed with no sweat stains (some of the other options had those).

I immediately opened my book and began reading without really making eye contact with my new neighbor, but I could tell he was staring at me.  It was pretty obvious.  He alternated between full-on staring at my face and trying to read my book.  I was DETERMINED not to make eye contact because I could tell he was going to start talking if I did.

10 minutes into the ride and I was working hard at not looking up while this man stared right at me.  I was doing a pretty decent job, but the kid in the seat in front of us was listening to his iPod with no headphones….that’s the modern equivalent of holding a boombox on your shoulder…and it is just as obnoxious as that was.  Anyway….I was struggling to concentrate on anything….dude with loud music in front of me, staring dude next to me.  Then, out of nowhere, staring dude leans forward, clears his throat and says to the kid “Excuse me, do you mind turning that down a little.  There are people back here trying to read and it’s a little loud.”  Then he looked at me….I had to look up at that point, so I darted a glance at him and said a quiet “thank you” with a little laugh and went back to my book.  The kid actually quieted down instead of making a scene….I was a little impressed, but still not actually willing to make eye contact.

A few stops later and staring dude told me it was his stop, so I moved out of his way.  As he passed me, he said “Is that the Cleopatra book?” (Which he should have known based on the fact that he had been alternately staring at it for 40 minutes…) I nodded and smiled.  He said “You know the museum in Cincinnati has a great Cleopatra exhibit.  That’s a great book.  Really well written.”  And then he walked away.

Damn.  Now I feel bad.  I should have made eye contact…maybe all he wanted to talk about was my book.  Or maybe he wanted to ask me out, but that might have been okay too.  He was thoughtful, acted like my hero, and then made a comment related to something intellectual.

Sorry Train Hero….I guess you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover….

“I’m 24.” I figured….

What is it with 24 year old men boys?  Was there something in the water in 1987??  Did their mothers all eat confidence-boosting foods while they were pregnant?

For some reason, EVERY time someone asks me out, hits on me, or even approaches me, it turns out that they are 24.  EVERY TIME.  The only people who come up to me in bars are 24.  The only people who talk to me on the train/T are 24.  The ONLY ONES.  (Ok, I may be exaggerating, but it is a significant portion…)

The conversation always goes something like this:

24 year old guy: Hey.  How’s your day going?

Me: (Slightly confused, looking around to see who they are talking to) Umm, hi.  It’s been pretty good. (Pause) And yours?

24: Better now that I’ve met you.

Me: (In my head: Oh dear god) Uhh..oh.  (Start to walk away, go back to my book, etc.)

24: So what are you reading/doing/drinking?

Me: (Why won’t he stop talking??) Oh, _____.

24: Cool.  So what’s your name?

Me: (Shit, think up a fake name) <Real Name>(Damn)

24: Cool.  I’m Rey/Deandre/Nick/etc.

Me: Oh. Nice to meet you. (Go back to what I was doing)

24: (Follows me) So how old are you?

Me: (Oh boy….another 24 year old. I’m serious, this is how I know they are 24. They ALWAYS ask how old I am!) 27.

24: Oh. Well.  I’m 24.

Me: I figured.

Then it goes on from there with me trying to convince the 24 year old that I am too old for him and that he should find a girl his own age.  It always ends with them convinced that we are going to go on a date and that I will fall in love with them.  Seriously.  They usually say something like: “Well, when we start hanging out, you are going to fall in love with me.  I bet we will get married.”  Do you think I’m exaggerating?  Because I’m not.

So…I need to know….what was going on in 1987?  Are these boys just at a particularly cocky age?  Or are these boys going to be like this forever?

Please stop talking to me 24 year old boys.  Or if that’s too much to ask, at LEAST stop telling me I will fall in love with you.  I’m not going to.

Rain checks

Last night was supposed to be my third date with “Aaron.”  I had to cancel because I wasn’t feeling well, but it was almost like we had the date anyway.  He was unbelievably nice about the fact that I was cancelling what was already a cashed in “rain check” date.  Not only was he nice when I told him I needed to go home and lie down instead of going to a movie and dinner with him, he also admitted that he was disappointed not to see me but that it was “Ok because it would make the next time we see each other even more special and exciting.”  Wow.

I honestly didn’t know there were men like this anymore.  Where did he COME from?  Everyone I’ve ever been out with before would have said something like “No worries. Catch you next time.” and left it at that….and then probably never would have asked me out again.  Instead, I woke up this morning to a text asking how I was feeling and wishing me a better day.

It’s nice to be completely sure that the person you are dating is truly interested in you.  It’s kind of a novelty for me, I will admit.  In the past it’s been guessing games and countless hours on the phone with my best friend going over and over what he said and what I said trying to translate a conversation into concrete feelings.  I have BARELY talked about Aaron with anyone….not because I don’t like him, I do….but because I don’t feel like I need help figuring anything he says out.  I can tell he likes me without asking the opinions of everyone I know.  Here are a few of the things I have noticed and appreciate about him:

  • He is very nice, and I like that.
  • He has treated me with loads of respect.
  • He always asks my opinion about what I want to do on a date, but is the major event planner (thank god!)

Now this has all been about Aaron and how I know he feels and how he is behaving.  You might be wondering how I am feeling and how I am behaving.  Well….let’s just say I’m more clear on how he feels than on how I feel, but I do know these things:

  • I am always excited to see him.
  • I smile when I get a text from him, and always respond right away.
  • He makes me feel special and beautiful.

There is definitely potential with Aaron.  Maybe it’s a good thing that I had to cancel.  It gave me time and maybe he’s right….maybe it will make the next time even more special and exciting.

“Peter”

How can you tell if someone is interested in dating, or just something casual, when you have known them for years?

Peter and I went out early last week.  Was it a date?  Are we just friends who will stay friends?  There is definitely chemistry between us, there always has been.  We’ve known each other for 7  years (though we haven’t seen each other for 5 years), but this time it seemed like he was actually interested.  Maybe it’s my increased confidence, but I felt like he was trying to impress me and he WAS indicating through body language that he was interested.  But….who can tell?

I am kind of making it my mission not to be the pursuer these days.  I have spent too much of my past doing that and I think I deserve to be pursued the old fashioned way: an interested guy asks ME if he wants to take me out.  Even after one date I don’t want to be the one asking for a second.  But my question is…are all men capable of this?  Is it too much to ask to want to be modern in most ways, but old fashioned in this way?

All I know is, I think I would like it if Peter asked me on a date, but I won’t be asking him to go out unless it is as friends…

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