Dinner date

Last night was my dinner with Mr. Not-So Perfect.  I met him on the street near his house and we walked a couple blocks to the restaurant.  He had never been and had only judged from the outside.  It turned out to be a college-type atmosphere with trivia going on in the background.  But we made do.  Dinner was a little awkward.  Some of the conversation felt forced…like we were avoiding the main subject….which we were.    After dinner, he asked me to come up and see his new apartment.  Despite knowing this would mean I would have to be firm about nothing physical, I agreed.

He showed me around and offered me a glass of wine.  We awkwardly sat and watched football, me on a different couch and only looking straight ahead.  I could tell he was looking at me, but I refused to make eye contact.  I finished my glass of wine and stood up to leave.  He kissed me and told me he really missed me and that he wouldn’t lie, he “wanted” me.  He said “I know you will probably not want to talk to me after I admitted that after the conversation we had, but I can’t lie.  I’m attracted to you and I don’t know what I am supposed to do about it.”  I told him that it was fine, but that I was still leaving.  Then he asked to see me tonight.  And I told him no, I had plans.  His face dropped and he asked me if it was a date.

He walked me out, down the elevator and through the halls to the front door.  The whole way, he kept telling me how much he really likes me and wants to have another chance.  He practically begged me to hang out with him on Wednesday night.  I told him I would think about it. After I left, I got several texts from him saying how happy he was to see me and how he will “do whatever it takes to get back into my good graces.”  When I made a noncommittal response, he said he wants me to be his girl.

I still have really mixed feelings about this whole thing.  He is really trying, and I really do appreciate that.  I also like that the ball is totally in my court.  I just think I have to continue to be firm with him.  If he really wants to be with me, then I need the physical part of the relationship to be on my terms- at least for now.  I think that is the only way I would ever be able to be with him.  On the other hand, I am not sure I want to bother.

I have a second date with The Gentleman tonight and I am looking forward to it.  All I know is that having all the balls (no pun intended) in my court is good for me and my plans for forward movement in 2012.

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A satisfying response

Mr. Perfect now knows about the rapes.  I won’t say exactly how it came up, but it did come up organically in conversation (which is what I had been hoping for) and I chose to take the opportunity to tell him.  He reacted very well (this is a big deal to me) and I was satisfied by the conversation.  He showed concern and seemed genuinely upset, but when I changed the subject, he followed and was able to let it go.  I always worry about how people will react and he didn’t let me down.

Besides that, we had a really nice night tonight.  We decided to go to dinner somewhere neither of us had ever been and we were rewarded for our daring by being very pleasantly surprised by the quality of the food and the nice atmosphere.  After dinner we cuddled on his couch and watched part of a movie.  He DID ask me again when he could come to my place and asked again if I was dating one of my roommates.  I decided to come (sort of) clean and just tell him that it is a little awkward to have him over with roommates around all the time.  But I also invited him to come to a party on Saturday night.  This means I have a deadline for getting my room in order….oh shit….