When the bill comes…

In the past I wanted to be a “modern woman” when it came to paying for dates.  I ALWAYS offered to contribute on the first date, and generally insisted on paying for the whole date by the third.  But here’s what that got me: a long line of boyfriends (literally ALL of them) who couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for things.  I mean, guys who would say “Let’s go out to dinner” and then at the end of our meal say “You get this one.  I’ll get the next one.”  These meals usually included at least three courses and lots of wine.  And we weren’t at Applebees.

No more.

I will still offer to contribute early on, but if they refuse, I am not pressing the issue.  Good.  They should pay.  They should WANT to pay, as one of my friends likes to tell me.  And it’s not about the money. (WARNING: I’m going to say something that may sound anti-women’s lib.)  It’s about showing me that you are a man.  Take care of it.  You don’t have to tell me all about your finances, but don’t ask me to do something you can’t afford to pay for.  I would much rather go to a park for a picnic than go to a nice restaurant that is going to make you financially uncomfortable for the rest of the week. I would NEVER ask someone to do something that I wasn’t SURE I could afford to pay for, so I don’t understand why men do this.  As it is, even though I probably won’t offer to pay, I never go out unless I know I could pay for myself if I had to.

I’m not saying I will date someone for three years and never get out my wallet.  Eventually, I will.  There will definitely be a time when I will say “Let’s go do ____, my treat.”  I’m just saying I want to push it back further.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.