When the bill comes…

In the past I wanted to be a “modern woman” when it came to paying for dates.  I ALWAYS offered to contribute on the first date, and generally insisted on paying for the whole date by the third.  But here’s what that got me: a long line of boyfriends (literally ALL of them) who couldn’t or wouldn’t pay for things.  I mean, guys who would say “Let’s go out to dinner” and then at the end of our meal say “You get this one.  I’ll get the next one.”  These meals usually included at least three courses and lots of wine.  And we weren’t at Applebees.

No more.

I will still offer to contribute early on, but if they refuse, I am not pressing the issue.  Good.  They should pay.  They should WANT to pay, as one of my friends likes to tell me.  And it’s not about the money. (WARNING: I’m going to say something that may sound anti-women’s lib.)  It’s about showing me that you are a man.  Take care of it.  You don’t have to tell me all about your finances, but don’t ask me to do something you can’t afford to pay for.  I would much rather go to a park for a picnic than go to a nice restaurant that is going to make you financially uncomfortable for the rest of the week. I would NEVER ask someone to do something that I wasn’t SURE I could afford to pay for, so I don’t understand why men do this.  As it is, even though I probably won’t offer to pay, I never go out unless I know I could pay for myself if I had to.

I’m not saying I will date someone for three years and never get out my wallet.  Eventually, I will.  There will definitely be a time when I will say “Let’s go do ____, my treat.”  I’m just saying I want to push it back further.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

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Rain checks

Last night was supposed to be my third date with “Aaron.”  I had to cancel because I wasn’t feeling well, but it was almost like we had the date anyway.  He was unbelievably nice about the fact that I was cancelling what was already a cashed in “rain check” date.  Not only was he nice when I told him I needed to go home and lie down instead of going to a movie and dinner with him, he also admitted that he was disappointed not to see me but that it was “Ok because it would make the next time we see each other even more special and exciting.”  Wow.

I honestly didn’t know there were men like this anymore.  Where did he COME from?  Everyone I’ve ever been out with before would have said something like “No worries. Catch you next time.” and left it at that….and then probably never would have asked me out again.  Instead, I woke up this morning to a text asking how I was feeling and wishing me a better day.

It’s nice to be completely sure that the person you are dating is truly interested in you.  It’s kind of a novelty for me, I will admit.  In the past it’s been guessing games and countless hours on the phone with my best friend going over and over what he said and what I said trying to translate a conversation into concrete feelings.  I have BARELY talked about Aaron with anyone….not because I don’t like him, I do….but because I don’t feel like I need help figuring anything he says out.  I can tell he likes me without asking the opinions of everyone I know.  Here are a few of the things I have noticed and appreciate about him:

  • He is very nice, and I like that.
  • He has treated me with loads of respect.
  • He always asks my opinion about what I want to do on a date, but is the major event planner (thank god!)

Now this has all been about Aaron and how I know he feels and how he is behaving.  You might be wondering how I am feeling and how I am behaving.  Well….let’s just say I’m more clear on how he feels than on how I feel, but I do know these things:

  • I am always excited to see him.
  • I smile when I get a text from him, and always respond right away.
  • He makes me feel special and beautiful.

There is definitely potential with Aaron.  Maybe it’s a good thing that I had to cancel.  It gave me time and maybe he’s right….maybe it will make the next time even more special and exciting.

“Peter”

How can you tell if someone is interested in dating, or just something casual, when you have known them for years?

Peter and I went out early last week.  Was it a date?  Are we just friends who will stay friends?  There is definitely chemistry between us, there always has been.  We’ve known each other for 7  years (though we haven’t seen each other for 5 years), but this time it seemed like he was actually interested.  Maybe it’s my increased confidence, but I felt like he was trying to impress me and he WAS indicating through body language that he was interested.  But….who can tell?

I am kind of making it my mission not to be the pursuer these days.  I have spent too much of my past doing that and I think I deserve to be pursued the old fashioned way: an interested guy asks ME if he wants to take me out.  Even after one date I don’t want to be the one asking for a second.  But my question is…are all men capable of this?  Is it too much to ask to want to be modern in most ways, but old fashioned in this way?

All I know is, I think I would like it if Peter asked me on a date, but I won’t be asking him to go out unless it is as friends…