Get my Swerve on….

I’m so sorry I haven’t written…my life seems to be too full lately.  Between work, school, and dating, I have no time for writing….it was SO MUCH EASIER to blog about dating when I wasn’t really dating….

Things have been going along steadily with Mr. Perfect.  We see each other as often as we can, but still haven’t labeled the relationship in any way.  I haven’t erased or disabled my online profile, but I decided to stop answering any messages that came along.  I was going on only to clear the messages so my phone would stop alerting me to messages (and also to help my roommate create a profile…another one bites the dust!)…but I did continue to talk to this one guy….Grad Student.  He and I had first connected before I even connected with Mr. Perfect, but hadn’t had a chance to meet yet.  He seemed like a really nice guy and I was seriously considering meeting him even though things were going well with Mr. Perfect.  We went back and forth trying to plan something and finally had narrowed it down to Thursday night of this week.  But when I got the email confirming that we were both free and could we meet at 9, I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I had been getting pretty concerned that Mr. Perfect was mostly interested in carrying on a physical relationship and was working up to just straight out asking him, but at the same time I had a feeling that Mr. Perfect would be quite upset if he found out I went on a date with someone else.  So I delayed responding to Grad Student.  Mr. Perfect and I had a really good night together on Friday.  We talked about things, laughed a lot, canoodled in public….you know, couple-y things.  But I still wasn’t feeling sure about his intentions.

Then I got sick.  And he was super nice.  He offered to bring me things, was understanding about me cancelling plans, and called to check on me.  But I STILL wasn’t feeling sure about his intentions.

During a text conversation about my schedule, I got a message from him asking if I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.  I promptly called him and told him that wasn’t the case at all.  So, he asked me if I could spend some time with him that night.  Even though I had a really long day yesterday and still had a paper to write, I knew he was going out of town today and wanted to see me before he left.  I told him that I could spare half an hour, but that was it, and he said “I’ll take it.”  So, at 10:45 last night, I arrived at his house, worn out from a long day.  Less than 5 minutes into me being there, he started in with the physical.  So, tired as I was, I just said “Dude, can I at least have 5 minutes to just relax?  I had a really long day.”  He looked at me for a second and said “Well you said you only had 30 minutes, I assumed that was what you were coming over here for.”  I just shook my head.  So he backed off and we just talked for awhile.

While we were talking, it dawned on me: he might feel the same way I do….that is, he might think I am only interested in a physical relationship.  After all, I never stay over and I haven’t given any signals that I am actually interested in him.  Suddenly, I felt much more confident about his intentions.  I think he likes me, but was unsure of how I was feeling…

Having that confidence also helped make up my mind about the Grad Student.  I emailed him tonight with an honest message about why I couldn’t come.  He wrote a very kind reply and wished me happiness.  I do feel a little regret at not ever meeting him, but I would have felt too guilty the whole time.

Mr. Perfect and I have been playing a game of emotional chicken…(well, mostly it’s been me….he OFTEN tells me he misses me and thinks I’m great and my only reply is a smile…).  It’s time for one of us to swerve a little, and I think it has to be me.  We have a date planned for Monday night when he gets back.  I think it’s time to get my swerve on….