No, No, Needy Nelson, Not Now!

Needy Nelson….where to begin?

So I got a message from a guy who seemed super nice, although looks-wise he wasn’t my type.  However, I have been trying to go outside my normal “type” so I decided to give it a try.  It turned out that he is from the town my dad grew up in and where my grandmother still lives.  We had a lot in common and decided to go out.  Even though he lives almost an hour away, he picked me up from my house for our first date.  He INSISTED, saying that he didn’t want to worry about me driving home after a few drinks at the end of the night.

All day leading up to our date, he texted me with random questions, which he claimed he had a point.  And, when I went out to meet him, he was holding a stuffed elephant that he had gotten for me.  (Elephants are my favorite.)  I was surprised, but it was a nice gesture- if a little high school.  He took me to Dave & Buster’s- like a grown up Chuck E. Cheese with alcohol- and we had a great date.

Date #2 was the next night- dinner and drinks.  On this date he started pestering me about Valentine’s Day.  He kept asking if I would go out with him for V Day (which was two nights later).  I told him I had to work late and that I couldn’t and that I wasn’t really big on V Day anyway.  He sort of let it go, but kept asking why I don’t like V Day.  (For the record- I do, but felt weird about spending it with someone I had just met and was kind of ambivalent about….  We ended the date with no resolution about V Day, but a plan to hang out at some point during the coming week.  However, later that night, when he was texting me incessantly, I somehow got roped into a V Day date.

So we had Date #3 on V Day.  I insisted on meeting him out and refused to negotiate about it.  I also insisted that we meet halfway instead of closer to my house.  I thought I was just being considerate, but looking back- I think I just wanted to downplay the whole thing as much as possible.  He met me at my car with flowers, which I tossed unceremoniously into the passenger seat.  When we walked into the hibachi restaurant- I instantly noticed two separate men look up at us and read their lips as they pointed out the disparity in looks between me and Needy Nelson to their respective dates.  It was a little horrifying.  On this date he informed me that he was planning a trip north for his birthday (a week away) and wanted me to come with him for the weekend.  I had no idea what to say, but ended up saying I would think about it.

On our fourth date, dinner and a movie, we again met halfway.  At the movie he started in with complaining about my body language (which he started on our first date- but it got incredibly annoying this time).  He didn’t like the way my legs were crossed, so he actually grabbed my legs and switched them.  Then he didn’t like the way I was leaning on my armrest, so he moved my upper body too.  I don’t mean he asked me to move or gently pulled me close to him- NO.  He just moved me.  With his hands.  And then acted all content.  WTF.  Needless to say, I was getting irritated.  He went with more of the same at dinner.  By the time we were ordering our first drink, I knew there was no way I wanted to go away with him and be in a hotel with him for a whole weekend.  So I came up with an excuse and said I couldn’t justify being away for the whole weekend and I also told him I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable staying in a hotel with someone I had just met.  He was disappointed, but said he understood and that he would just stay in town because “ultimately all he cared about was getting to see me on his birthday.”  Yikes.  Anyone who knows me will know that that is EXACTLY the kind of thing a guy should say if he wants me to run screaming in the other direction.  Say that kind of thing after a couple months, fine.  After four dates?  See ya later.

So if you haven’t already picked up on it- Needy Nelson and I are done.  The whole thing ended up dissolving over the weekend away thing, but it would have dissolved anyway because I get easily irritated by needy behavior….and he is true to his name.  I woke up every morning to a text asking how my day was going and got at least 30 throughout the day.  Not only did I get a zillion texts, but he would get irritated if I didn’t respond right away.  I can’t stand that kind of behavior in a boyfriend, let alone someone I just met.

After date #4, he sent me a message asking if I could go away for just one night-Friday- to somewhere closer and I said I would think about it.  I responded to his daily morning text on Thursday that I wasn’t feeling well, which was true, and he angrily wrote back that he guessed that meant I wouldn’t go away with him on Friday.  We didn’t speak for the rest of the day, and he didn’t respond to my (admittedly very short) happy birthday message on Friday.  I thought that was going to be the end of it.  Then yesterday, I got a message from him that said “So although you ditched me on my birthday, am I going to see you again?”  I haven’t responded.  Hopefully that’s answer enough for him.  But if I hear from him again, I am planning to tell him that I can’t be what he is looking for.

Ultimately, he is a very nice guy, though too needy for my taste.  The real issue for me is that I didn’t like the woman I was with him.  His neediness fed a part of me that turns me into a bitch.  And I am NOT like that.  Ever.  But something about him made me kind of mean.  I didn’t like it and I knew that if it was like that early on, it would only get worse with time.

In discussing him with my friends, we came up with the best alliteration ever and plan to write a children’s book someday called “No. No, Needy Nelson, Not Now!”  in which a character, Needy Nelson, is very needy and people always respond with the title line.  I know, I know….not nice.

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