The Poet

I had the most incredible first date last night.  It was, hands-down, the best date I have ever had and it lasted for 9 hours.

The Poet found me on OKC and I almost didn’t respond to him.  I am SO glad I did.  We connected instantly online, but that doesn’t always mean it will be good in person.  Originally, we were supposed to go out last Thursday, but he texted to cancel half an hour before the date because he was sick.  I considered not giving him another chance….but I am SO glad I did.

He picked me up and we went out for drinks.  We talked about everything- his books, his records (he is a poet and a musician), our childhoods, our last relationships…  We closed down the bar, but it was clear that we didn’t want the date to end, so he invited me over to his house for a beer.  We talked and talked and laughed a ton.  We kissed a little too…  Before I knew it, it was almost 4 am and we both had to be at work at 8.  We decided to take a nap for a few hours and then he would bring me home.  We woke up tired and groggy, but both grinning….a state I have remained in all day.

I just got to my second job where I googled him to see how well known he is.  And I was already super impressed by him, but now I am doubly so.  He’s the real deal.  Not some lame dude (like Rat Bastard) who wants to be a poet/musician.  He is actually a published author and musician and has lots of other impressive things on his resume.  Better than all the stuff he has done is the way he was with me.  Humble but confident, kind and funny, and interested in me.

I just can’t stop smiling. 🙂

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TBDP

Onto Tall Ballroom Dancing Physicist (TBDP)….

Another man in my life right now is TBDP. I call him that because that’s what he is- a tall, ballroom-dancing, physicist. Our online interaction began with a conversation about our mutual love of dancing (my profile says that I used to be a competitive ballroom dancer as well as currently being a belly dancer) and we went back and forth with several messages about dancing for awhile. Eventually, he asked me to meet him for a drink. At that point, it wasn’t exactly clear to me if we were romantically interested or just interested in knowing each other for dance purposes- it is always good to know people in the dance world because it can be a little hard to break in otherwise.

Our first date was really fun. We met just for cocktails and laughed and talked about dance (and many other things). He is very smart (most physicists are) and is only marginally socially awkward, which pleasantly surprised me. (I don’t mean to stereotype, but come on….a ballroom-dancing physicist ranks relatively high on the list of people likely to be socially awkward.)

The second date was swing dancing.  Super fun!  I don’t know if it’s just because I am a dancer or if all women feel this way, but there is something incredibly sexy and enticing about a man who is a good dancer.  Especially this type of dance, where the man has to be a leader, assertive and strong.  We went out for drinks following the dancing and had a really nice time.

I think he is really trying to move this from a potential dance friendship to a dating situation because we have plans for dinner and a movie, “The Artist” on Wednesday night.  We have yet to kiss, so it will be interesting to see how that goes.  Regardless of how this whole thing shakes out, he is a good connection and I am going to do what I can to keep him in my life in, at the very least, a dancing capacity.

 

GDG

Green Day Guy (GDG) was not someone I would normally have considered going out with.  However, he made a first date offer I couldn’t refuse: drinks, a show, and then dinner and drinks.  He took me to see American Idiot, which was awesome, and to a yummy dinner after.  It was a great first date and we had a good time at dinner.  I left pleasantly surprised by the whole thing.

We just had our fourth date on Sunday.  I’m not sure what it is exactly, but we seem to be slightly off somehow.  The beginning of our dates are always kind of slow and I always think “ok, this will be the last date.”  Then something happens halfway through (maybe when the drinks start kicking in) and we start laughing and relaxing into it.  So I start thinking “maybe this won’t be the last date.”  He always picks me up and takes me home after.  There is never more than a short kiss goodbye.  As I’m walking in to my house I think to myself “ok, maybe this really will be the last date.  I think I’m done and he doesn’t seem that interested either.”  But then I get texts over the course of the week….flirty and asking me out again.  I can’t figure this out.

I honestly like him.  He’s nice, he owns his own home- a house-, and has a good job.  He’s funny and seems to like me the way I am, but knows how to tease me gently about things.  Even with all these things, I feel pretty lukewarm about him.  I don’t see it going anywhere with him really, but I do see him in my life somehow…

Anyway- I was thinking I was done with GDG, but today I got some messages from him and it seems like he wants to go out again.  I have no idea…

Holiday Single Scene

It must be the time of year.  I think single people feel the most alone during the winter holidays.  It is cold and dark (although the weather has been crazy warm lately…) and it’s a season that is supposed to be spent with loved ones.  Even with family, singleness is felt strongly.  I can’t speak to those who have separate families, but in my family, the only single people are those who are widowed or single by choice.  I can assure you that I felt very single during Christmas with my family.

Still, I was surprised by the number of messages I have been receiving on the online dating site.  Record numbers.  Like 6-10 per day.  It’s crazy.  Maybe because I have been feeling it too, I have been responding to some.  I have a date with one tonight.  He and I were talking in August, but I called off our date after I met Mr. Not-So Perfect.  He has been very persistent, contacting me at least once a month and asking to get together.  I finally said yes this week.  He is 40, which is closer in age to my parents than to me, but we seemed to connect well when we were talking the first time, so we will see.

Another of the online guys wants to have coffee this week.  Yet another seems to be on the verge of asking.  I am not sure how many of these dates I can take, but I am going to try.

I still am “seeing” BVP, but there is no official title on our relationship and we don’t really talk unless we are together.  I decided that as long as we are unofficial, I am not going to put the rest of the dating world on hold.  The only issue is that he is friends with my roommates, so I have to be a little quiet about the whole thing.  While I would normally tell my roommates all about my dates, I feel like I can’t until I make up my mind about BVP and the rest of them.  When I think about it too much, I feel pretty guilty, but I don’t want to keep putting myself in the same situation/trap over and over again.

Maybe this is all just a holiday season phase and I will return to business as usual as soon as it is over….but Valentine’s Day IS right around the corner…

 

BVP

My roommates’ friend, let’s call him BVP, likes me.  I just have a feeling…..and I also have evidence…

  1. The first night we really hung out, we got pretty tipsy and then decided to go to a local bar.  (It seemed like a great idea at the time, NOT SO in the morning.)  The entire time we were at the bar, which we went to in order to pick up girls for the roommates/friends, he talked to me.  We discovered we were both using the same dating site and he looked me up and spent the rest of the night alternating between comparing our “compatibility” and asking me tons of questions about Mr. Perfect.  Then, when we got back to my house, I laid down on the couch and he asked if he could lay down too and cuddle.  I was feeling pretty….good….so I said sure.  And he talked about how nice it was to cuddle with me.  When I finally went to my room to go to sleep, he gave me a longing look and said goodnight.
  2. The next night was the housewarming party at my house.  Mr. Perfect was coming, so I was all kinds of nervous.  BVP came over before the party to help us get ready and kept asking me if Mr. Perfect was coming.  He would not let it go.
  3. Then, when Mr. Perfect did arrive, everyone was nice to him….EXCEPT BVP, who is normally nice to everyone.  He was super aggressive when he was talking to Mr. Perfect and he kept saying confrontational things.  I think Mr. Perfect didn’t pick up on it, but for a few minutes there I thought BVP was going to challenge him to a fight.  Seriously…he asked Mr. Perfect what he does for work and thought Mr. Perfect said “fine.”  In the snappiest voice ever, BVP said “I mean, I’m sure you are fine, but I asked what you do for work.”  Mr. Perfect just looked at him kind of funny and said “I said finance.”  I swear, my head was whipping back and forth, like I was watching a tennis match.
  4. The next day, he added me on Facebook and asked me to send him a picture I had taken.  It was on my phone, so I said I could text it to him, and he keeps sending me flirty text messages now.
  5. Also….last night, I got 7 messages in a row on the online dating site from him even though he has multiple ways to contact me….seems pointed…

Now, BVP is incredibly nice.  Cute even (though pretty short).  He is the kind of guy I wouldn’t typically go for, but might under certain circumstances…..except….he’s in the Reserves.  OF COURSE.  I’m not really sure what it is with me and military dudes, but I sort of promised myself I wouldn’t date any current military personnel ever again.  It’s bad enough that Mr. Perfect is a retired military man….

Get my Swerve on….

I’m so sorry I haven’t written…my life seems to be too full lately.  Between work, school, and dating, I have no time for writing….it was SO MUCH EASIER to blog about dating when I wasn’t really dating….

Things have been going along steadily with Mr. Perfect.  We see each other as often as we can, but still haven’t labeled the relationship in any way.  I haven’t erased or disabled my online profile, but I decided to stop answering any messages that came along.  I was going on only to clear the messages so my phone would stop alerting me to messages (and also to help my roommate create a profile…another one bites the dust!)…but I did continue to talk to this one guy….Grad Student.  He and I had first connected before I even connected with Mr. Perfect, but hadn’t had a chance to meet yet.  He seemed like a really nice guy and I was seriously considering meeting him even though things were going well with Mr. Perfect.  We went back and forth trying to plan something and finally had narrowed it down to Thursday night of this week.  But when I got the email confirming that we were both free and could we meet at 9, I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I had been getting pretty concerned that Mr. Perfect was mostly interested in carrying on a physical relationship and was working up to just straight out asking him, but at the same time I had a feeling that Mr. Perfect would be quite upset if he found out I went on a date with someone else.  So I delayed responding to Grad Student.  Mr. Perfect and I had a really good night together on Friday.  We talked about things, laughed a lot, canoodled in public….you know, couple-y things.  But I still wasn’t feeling sure about his intentions.

Then I got sick.  And he was super nice.  He offered to bring me things, was understanding about me cancelling plans, and called to check on me.  But I STILL wasn’t feeling sure about his intentions.

During a text conversation about my schedule, I got a message from him asking if I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.  I promptly called him and told him that wasn’t the case at all.  So, he asked me if I could spend some time with him that night.  Even though I had a really long day yesterday and still had a paper to write, I knew he was going out of town today and wanted to see me before he left.  I told him that I could spare half an hour, but that was it, and he said “I’ll take it.”  So, at 10:45 last night, I arrived at his house, worn out from a long day.  Less than 5 minutes into me being there, he started in with the physical.  So, tired as I was, I just said “Dude, can I at least have 5 minutes to just relax?  I had a really long day.”  He looked at me for a second and said “Well you said you only had 30 minutes, I assumed that was what you were coming over here for.”  I just shook my head.  So he backed off and we just talked for awhile.

While we were talking, it dawned on me: he might feel the same way I do….that is, he might think I am only interested in a physical relationship.  After all, I never stay over and I haven’t given any signals that I am actually interested in him.  Suddenly, I felt much more confident about his intentions.  I think he likes me, but was unsure of how I was feeling…

Having that confidence also helped make up my mind about the Grad Student.  I emailed him tonight with an honest message about why I couldn’t come.  He wrote a very kind reply and wished me happiness.  I do feel a little regret at not ever meeting him, but I would have felt too guilty the whole time.

Mr. Perfect and I have been playing a game of emotional chicken…(well, mostly it’s been me….he OFTEN tells me he misses me and thinks I’m great and my only reply is a smile…).  It’s time for one of us to swerve a little, and I think it has to be me.  We have a date planned for Monday night when he gets back.  I think it’s time to get my swerve on….

Do it the old fashioned way, please

One of the perks of the online dating thing is that it provides endless entertainment. Though I am not currently looking to meet someone, I decided to leave my online profile active until I have some sort of commitment. Every few days I go in to clear the messages so that my phone stops telling me I have unread messages. The other day, while clearing my messages, I came across a message from a couple propositioning me for…..something. I imagine they were looking for a threesome partner, but they wanted to take me to dinner first. They began the e-mail by saying they had just moved to the area from Spain and telling me about each of their professions (as though threesome partners will only join successful couples) and about their daughter (ew!). They finished up by telling me that the husband thinks I am pretty and have a nice smile and the wife thinks I seem nice and like a “good person”. Huh.

What ever happened to picking up your third the old fashioned way…..by buying them drinks all night at the bar and propositioning them then. I wouldn’t have said yes to that kind of proposition either, but it would have creeped me out far less. I have been asked in a bar before and while I find it a little out of my comfort zone, I at least feel flattered for being considered. Being propositioned online just makes me feel creeped out.

Anyway, entertaining as it was, I didn’t respond to their message. A day or so later I was telling a friend about it and went on the site to read her the message. Their profile had been deleted since I received my message. I guess they found what they were looking for. Next time, I hope they do it the old fashioned way and get some unsuspecting girl a drink at the local bar…

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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