3 weeks

I saw The Poet again last night after more than a week of not seeing him.  He had been having a really tough week and I had a friend in town, so we just kept missing each other.  I was a little concerned that it wouldn’t be the same or that we would have lost momentum, but everything was great….better even.

At first we were a little quiet.  He is still having a tough time and has been a little down and although I feel like I know a lot about him, I don’t know him well enough to know the best way to cheer him up or take his mind off of things.  Is he the kind of person who likes to be distracted?  Or does he prefer to have the space to think about things?  Anyway- at first while I tried to figure out the best way to interact with him in that situation, conversation was a little stilted.  He was participating and holding up his end of conversations, but it wasn’t flowing as easily as normal.  But part of the way through our dinner, we got settled into the swing of conversation.

I’m happy to report that I still really like him and he still really likes me three weeks later.  It has even come to the point where I can feel the “I love you” hovering in the air.  Like it might slip out at any point if I’m not careful.  It’s crazy to feel that way so early, but it seems like it is hovering for both of us.  He asked me to meet his friend and his friend’s fiance on Friday night…and talked about lots of future plans.

We had a great talk about the nature of the stuff he is dealing with right now and how it will be a reality for a while, but he seems like he is dealing with it in a healthy and realistic way.

Designed with me in mind

The Poet and I went out again last night.  🙂  I have totally turned into one of those people I normally hate- all cuddled up at a bar, actually kissing in public.  Gross.  And yet, nice.  It’s not even like I am just tolerating it- I’m actually initiating it some of the time!

On our fourth date, we talked more about how insanely fast this has been happening and he told me he has never been this crazy about a person, even after being with them for a lot longer.  We also talked about meeting each others friends.  My head is spinning, but I very calm at the same time.  It just feels like it is supposed to be.  Sometime during our date, I realized why I couldn’t pinpoint any one person that he reminds me of when my friend asked me- it’s because he is the combination that I have been looking for.  He has parts of all of the men I have dated and cared about in a non-romantic way- it’s like he was designed for me.  The good qualities/attributes only so far, although I am not naive enough to think he is completely perfect.  Here’s a list of the things I have realized so far:

  • He is gentle and kind like Adam and my father.
  • He is chivalrous like my best friend’s husband.
  • He is funny like so many of them have been, but WAY funnier.
  • He is incredibly smart like TBDP.
  • He is ambitious and driven like Mr. Not-So Perfect.
  • He is a talented musician like Rat Bastard (although I REALLY hate giving Rat Bastard credit for anything).
  • He is confident and humble like my dad.
  • He is playful like Thomas.
  • He looks at me like he wants to eat me up (in a good way) like Mr. Not-So Perfect.
  • But he is respectful about physical contact like TBDP.

That’s not all of them- but it is a start.  He even has a few of the little things I liked about other people, but don’t bear mentioning specifically.  In case it isn’t clear by now, I REALLY like this guy.  I’m falling for him hard and fast and I am so excited to see what the future holds.

Disabling OKC

Last night I disabled my OKCupid profile.  I didn’t delete it entirely because I know that would be crazy, but I did make it look as though I did so I won’t receive any messages unless I change my mind.  This afternoon I removed the app from my phone.  I hope I’m not being super insane and hasty- but it was what I wanted to do.

I have another date with The Poet after work tonight. 🙂  Somehow the universe gets all wonky when I am happy and starts trying to throw other people in my path.  I’ve been getting texts from both TBDP and Mr. Not-So Perfect all day.  Mr. Not-So Perfect moved to Connecticut about a month ago and we haven’t seen each other or really talked since he left.  I did ask him if he wanted to be my date to a wedding a few weeks ago, but he wasn’t free and I hadn’t heard anything from him since.  Today, out of the blue, he starts up with the “Damn, I really miss you” and “Come visit me.”  I haven’t responded yet- but I guess when I do it will be to tell him I met someone.  Or maybe not.  He doesn’t even live here anymore.  Do I owe it to him??

 

 

3 days, 2 dates, 1 happy FRJ

My second date with The Poet sounds exactly like our first date- we got drinks, talked and laughed for hours, went back to his house and talked and laughed some more, then slept- except this time it was on a weekend night, so we slept in and had a more relaxed morning.  We connected so instantly and intensely.  Although it seems cliche and it pains me to admit it, we already finish each other’s thoughts…and I really like it.  All the things that are difficult for me in a relationship don’t seem difficult with him.  I don’t feel afraid to be open and let him into my heart.  I am comfortable admitting how I feel and telling him what I want.  I know that he is physically attracted to me, but I am not worried in the slightest that it is his only motive, or even his main motive.  Somewhere in our 12 hour date on Friday/Saturday, we talked about the terrifying, but incredible, fact of how much we like each other.  Anyone who knows me would know that these are normally major hurdles for me. I would listen quietly while someone told me they liked me, then either make a joke or sit in uncomfortable silence.  I rarely tell people how I feel, even when I want to.  I do, of course, give myself some credit for this- it isn’t all about The Poet- but he gets a large share of credit too.

Since today is Easter, we hadn’t planned on seeing each other.  I had a lot of homework to work on and he had a large family gathering to attend.  But this morning he called to see if I could get away for a “quick” coffee.  We ended up spending three hours drinking coffee and driving around Massachusetts.  We found the most beautiful historic church (a historic site no longer in use) in the middle of nowhere and walked around.  We talked about the future in a very natural way- there was no discussion of details, just a sense of “in our future,” if that makes any sense.  He is old fashioned in a way that I like.  He always opens the car door-actually every door- for me, even when it seems inconvenient.  He put his jacket on me after I told him I didn’t need it, but he could see that I was cold.  At the same time, he is respectful, interested, and thoughtful.

The Poet is also a musician and he is releasing his next album in September.  He let me listen to one song on Friday and another today while we were driving.  Usually I get nervous when I am listening to someone’s music with them around and I don’t know how to act.  This time, he was so clearly nervous for me to hear it, I couldn’t be nervous.  I was, however, incredibly relieved to realize that I actually really like his music.  I can honestly say that it is something I would choose to listen to on my own, even if I didn’t already like him and have a motive.  🙂  Great news!!  I am planning to buy his book and read it.  It got great reviews when it came out, but I don’t know how well I would do reading them in front of him for the first time.  So I am going to prep myself a little.

In related news- I had still been seeing TBDP and had been planning to go to an Easter party at his house today.  Things had been pretty steadily in the friend-zone with TBDP until Thursday night, when he really kissed me for the first time.  Poor TBDP.  He is really sweet, and I actually do like him, but he just got totally blown out of the water.  I decided  it was unfair to go to the party and meet his friends under false pretenses, so I told him that I had too much work to do, which is actually true.  I plan on telling him pretty soon that I met someone that I have a really strong connection with, but would like to be friends.  I don’t know how that will go, but I definitely have to tell him.  The Poet and I have not discussed the issue of seeing other people, but I know he isn’t seeing anyone else, and regardless, I don’t want to see anyone but him.  I’m not saying I am putting all my eggs in one basket (Easter reference!!) after just three dates…I just think there is something special here and it deserves my full attention.

I have a feeling about this…. 🙂

The Poet

I had the most incredible first date last night.  It was, hands-down, the best date I have ever had and it lasted for 9 hours.

The Poet found me on OKC and I almost didn’t respond to him.  I am SO glad I did.  We connected instantly online, but that doesn’t always mean it will be good in person.  Originally, we were supposed to go out last Thursday, but he texted to cancel half an hour before the date because he was sick.  I considered not giving him another chance….but I am SO glad I did.

He picked me up and we went out for drinks.  We talked about everything- his books, his records (he is a poet and a musician), our childhoods, our last relationships…  We closed down the bar, but it was clear that we didn’t want the date to end, so he invited me over to his house for a beer.  We talked and talked and laughed a ton.  We kissed a little too…  Before I knew it, it was almost 4 am and we both had to be at work at 8.  We decided to take a nap for a few hours and then he would bring me home.  We woke up tired and groggy, but both grinning….a state I have remained in all day.

I just got to my second job where I googled him to see how well known he is.  And I was already super impressed by him, but now I am doubly so.  He’s the real deal.  Not some lame dude (like Rat Bastard) who wants to be a poet/musician.  He is actually a published author and musician and has lots of other impressive things on his resume.  Better than all the stuff he has done is the way he was with me.  Humble but confident, kind and funny, and interested in me.

I just can’t stop smiling. 🙂

TBDP

Onto Tall Ballroom Dancing Physicist (TBDP)….

Another man in my life right now is TBDP. I call him that because that’s what he is- a tall, ballroom-dancing, physicist. Our online interaction began with a conversation about our mutual love of dancing (my profile says that I used to be a competitive ballroom dancer as well as currently being a belly dancer) and we went back and forth with several messages about dancing for awhile. Eventually, he asked me to meet him for a drink. At that point, it wasn’t exactly clear to me if we were romantically interested or just interested in knowing each other for dance purposes- it is always good to know people in the dance world because it can be a little hard to break in otherwise.

Our first date was really fun. We met just for cocktails and laughed and talked about dance (and many other things). He is very smart (most physicists are) and is only marginally socially awkward, which pleasantly surprised me. (I don’t mean to stereotype, but come on….a ballroom-dancing physicist ranks relatively high on the list of people likely to be socially awkward.)

The second date was swing dancing.  Super fun!  I don’t know if it’s just because I am a dancer or if all women feel this way, but there is something incredibly sexy and enticing about a man who is a good dancer.  Especially this type of dance, where the man has to be a leader, assertive and strong.  We went out for drinks following the dancing and had a really nice time.

I think he is really trying to move this from a potential dance friendship to a dating situation because we have plans for dinner and a movie, “The Artist” on Wednesday night.  We have yet to kiss, so it will be interesting to see how that goes.  Regardless of how this whole thing shakes out, he is a good connection and I am going to do what I can to keep him in my life in, at the very least, a dancing capacity.

 

And that, my friends, is irony…

Last Friday I went on a first date with The Philosopher. We met for coffee in the morning. It was my first, first day date. He was smart and funny and fun to talk to. There wasn’t one moment of awkward silence and we covered lots of interesting topics.

For the first time, I was actually really excited by the prospect of a second date instead of ambivalent about it. I thought he had a good time too.

Later that night, I sent him a message saying I had a good time and enjoyed talking with him. I didn’t hear back from him until the next day, at which point he wrote and said “it was a pleasure meeting you also!”

I hadn’t heard anything else, so I wrote again saying that I had a really good time and would love to do it again if he was interested.

No response. It figures that the ONE time I am actually excited about a guy he doesn’t want to see me again…meanwhile there are several guys I don’t really care about that won’t give up.

ARoomie (I recognize that it’s a little weird to get dating input from him after everything that’s gone on) says I’m only still interested in The Philosopher because he doesn’t seem that interested in me. ARoomie thinks all guys should behave this way to keep women interested… I don’t know- maybe he’s right to some extent, but I was interested before he started ignoring me, so maybe it’s guys who don’t like it when a girl acts interested.

All I know is that there is at least one guy in Boston who doesn’t want to go out with me (though I’m sure there are more)- and it’s the guy that I want to go out with. And that, my friends, is irony.

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